Yesterday... My mom was talking to me about stuff of my dad.
My mom told that the sliding broke a bit at the back end. Rather than heping to fix it and repair it a bit, dad scolded my mom. Why this. Why that. My mom dalam tekanan. Ayah wants all the re-ceiling stuff done quickly, and yet, he does nothing to help around the house with stuff. He just sits on his bed and reads his book.
Its hard to see my mother suffer like that. I felt a lot of pain from hearing all of that. I kinda dislike my father because of those things. But as Mr. Ebenezer told my class this morning, "You must have a 'prinsip' in life which you can hold on to, and uphold it." or something like that. I have a prinsip of my own.
"Cikgu ke, Guru Besar ke, Orang Tua, Pengetua, Orang senior, PM ke, Semua kena dihormati. Pengetua yang teruk pun, masih pengetua anda. Kamu tidak boleh tukar. Kami hanya remaja, kita tidak boleh menukar dunia dengan suara kami kerana tiada telinga manusia yang akan mendengarnya. Mungkin dewasa yang berlainan. Walauapepun, kita perlu menghormati orang, walaupun mereka tidak menghormati kita. You respect me, I'll respect you."
Saya bukannya suka sangat pun akan Pengetua saya. Tapi saya tetap menghormati dia. Tidak menunjuk penumbuk di belakang dia seperti orang yang kurang menghormati orang.
The day before sports day was Wednesday 03/05. I called my brother, he said he couldn't buy the camera lens. Some days before I asked my father to pay for it. He looked like 'alahh. mintak duit jugak!' or something like that lah. i went down with an emotionless face and told my father, "Yah, Tak yah beli lah. Dah terlambat pun. Nvm lah nvm."
I went to my room and cried while talking to myself. Kenape lah aku kena hidup!? Kalau tidak wujud kat dunia ni, mesti ayah ngan mak tak de lah kena kluarkan byk duit for my own bloody kemahuan! Lebih baik aku tak hidup. Ayah takde lah kena kluarkan byk duit dah. Nanti ramai org gembira. Rase macam takde keinginan untuk hidup, macam takde gunanya hidup pun. Membazir duit mak bapak je. Cikgu cikgu aku pun dah lupekan aku. Kawan2 pun same je. Tiada gunanya lagi saye berada di tapak bumi-Mu Ya Allah. Ambillah nyawa yang Engkau kurniakan kepada ku, dan berikan kepada insan yang lebih memelukannya.
Banyak sangat rasanya untuk metuliskan di sini. Setakat sini sahaja lah. Sekian
1 comment:
referring to that 2nd last paragraph, i think i've felt that before. But somehow, i managed to twist it from a negative to a positive. why do you think selama ni i didn't mind mintak duit dari mak banyak2?
Also, thoughts like this are proof that you've been spending waaaay too much time alone, just like i have. haha. memang brothers lah kita. But hey, at least you have a brother to talk to. Abang was never around for me to talk to. All i ever had during my sekolah menengah days was starcraft. And yeah, i know i dont talk much. The whole "being alone" bit i mentioned earlier made me devoid of emotion. It'd be really bad if you were like that too. It'll be hard for you to pick up chicks :P So stay cheerful.
btw, nice quote on paragraph 4. but the need to respect people with power makes me hate them more.
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